feelings.

Didn't want to do this... felt that I'm not being a very good friend... the insensitive, the uncaring, the neglecting... when you guys feel hurt,i can't do anything to make you guys happy, i always tell all of you to stay positive and be happy and i know it doesn't help but, i thought it will be better for you to be happier because everything will have their solutions and it is no use to feel sad... am i right like that? i felt that we all have an invisible barrier between us... i am really sad when you all are sad but i didn't want you all to feel more down by seeing me sad... whenever i walked on a overhead bridge, all my sad feelings just come out... tried to control the feeling when walking home with you... because you were so happy that time... when you are up on a bridge when you are sad, you can't help looking down at the cars and feel that happy moments just come and go... why can't happy moments stay? this made me really tired and it hurt me so much...
Felt that we are further and further apart and not talking as much... felt that i wasn't as happy as before with you all and i really hate this feeling... why can't we be as close as before?? i know it is difficult because all of us are not used to taking the first step, but, i don't mind... just tell me how you feel and i will really do my best to make us all feel better... we can do this before it is too late.
It is difficult to care for everyone, accordin to jx, but if i really made an effort, i believe i can do it, right? could i just continue being happy infront of all of you? i really don't like to be sad... hope one day i would be able to convince myself that it is the sad things that would come and go... by then, i would really be happy.
It is easy to see me happy because i am easily satisfied and would forget problems fast... but this doesn't mean the problem is solved... work hard with me would you?
really sorry/thank you to all my friends who i have let down/who work hard to put up with me.
signed off, jiatung,who really want to solve(if there is any) friendship problems...